Well, it happened already: we got lost.
It only took less than a day and we were completely disoriented. Except, we knew where the roads were and we knew where we needed to go. See, this time, we got lost in a Walmart.
We’re snobs. I get it. We’re just two guppies (gay yuppies) who can’t help but turn their nose up at the thought of going shopping at Walmart. True, our prejudice against the world’s largest retailer is founded in some fact: for the longest time they seemed to not give a hoot about respecting workers and the environment. But, if you believe many of the press reports, they seem to be changing their ways, right?
Plus, we were hungry. And we didn’t want to have to do another run at Burger King. And there were no other grocery stores in site. And we needed to get a battery charger for the car. And why would we want to go to two stores when we can accomplish both at the same time? Having a sense of entitlement about your shopping experience is uniquely American – and we are full-blooded Jersey boys damn it.
How’s that for rationalization?
And so we walked into a Walmart for the first time in about four years. To our dismay, we weren’t met by a greeter. I guess they still haven’t flown north yet after the winter. So, we had to find our way around this store by ourselves. Good luck.
It took us a while to find the grocery section and the automotive section. It would have helped if we brought the binoculars in from the car. The store was so cavernous that you felt as though every breath you made echoed.
But eventually we got everything we needed. And our overall shopping experience was… great. Seriously, it was. The woman at the deli counter offered (good) advice on which type of turkey to buy for sandwiches. The produce was very fresh and crisp. A different woman in the automotive section knew her stuff about battery chargers. There really wasn’t any reason for us to be so obnoxious and urban.
And so, we carry on having learned our lesson to boldly go to find new places to focus our contempt. Mayor Richard Daley and his scheme to sell the parking meters in Chicago might be the best place to settle.
